culture shock
S, a woman that I supervise, is going to be a grandma. She just found out that her 17 year old son & his "almost 15" year old girlfriend are pregnant. [When I asked if the girl is 14, S said, "no, she's almost 15." Doesn't almost 15=14?] Both sides of the family are excited about it. S, who has only sons, is hoping for a granddaugther.
When S first found out, she was worried that the kids would give the baby up for adoption. She was willing to adopt the baby to make sure it stays in the family. I can't understand that. She's on welfare and struggles to get by. She has some serious medical problems. Committing 18+ years of her life to the aftermath of her son's mistake makes no sense to me. I cannot begin to fathom it. But the kids are keeping their baby. Yesterday, both grandmas-to-be accompanied the girl to a doctor's appointment. The father was off on some Coast Guard-in-Training program.
I couldn't imagine how my parents would have reacted had I become pregnant at 14. True, I wasn't at much risk for such things, as I was not having sex. But still, I doubt they'd be taking me baby clothes shopping and helping me pick out baby names. My parents probably would have seen a chance to get some direct personal benefit from all of the checks written to NOW, Planned Parenthood, and NARAL over the years. And I'm sure I would have agreed with them. At 14, I hadn't figured out how to take care of myself yet. I shudder to think about how a child raised by my junior high and high school self would have turned out. S/he would be 10 now.
My first thought when S told me about the impending birth was "oh, so they'll be getting an abortion." Such an option didn't even enter into the equation for them as best I can tell. Bizarre. Maybe they're good religious folk. And of course I couldn't suggest any such option and even say "that's too bad" when she told me of the situation, which was my first reaction. She seemed excited at the prospect of these teen parents.
My workplace is full of women who had kids before they were old enough to vote. Most are shocked that I don't have a few, being "almost 25" and all.
I can't fathom procreating any time soon.
posted by rachel @ 6:26 PM
3 Comments:
actually, one of the central arguments of pro-life groups (well, the nice ones like the one on my campus, not the weirdos who visited my campus holding signs of cutup fetuses) is this "culture of life"/destigmatizing teens (read:teen girls) with kids. Because, ideally, teenage girls should be able to do whatever they want, include have babies. Babies shouldn't be a burden to girls. Teen moms shouldn't be shipped off to alternative high schools, like they did at ol' WHS.
In an ideal world, they're right. maybe. What's more important than passing down the family seed and creating new generations of folks. I mean, if this didn't happen, humanity would be in jeopardy. And teenagers shouldn't have to follow one path (high school, college, job, marriage, babies, job that actually pays well) to be successful.
The PROBLEM is that the world just doesn't work like that--teen moms will still be dependent people in society, vulnerable to attack. And the way to fix the situation and make the world inhabitable for teen moms, ISN'T by getting rid of abortions/birth control/science OR by having more teen moms (so that it would become a normal occurence that couldn't have a stigma.)
The way to solve it is JUST what goodbyetime says: WELFARE! Look to Sweden: in the 30s, "Sweden" (meaning some people that had influential government positions) were concerned about the low birth rate, and wanted to make it easier for young people to have more babies. So, they put in a welfare system (child care, but also some wage redistribution as well as education programs that taught facts not religious ideology).
In conclusion: Sweden's smarter than us, and in theory, I don't have a problem with 15-year-old mothers. It's just that they won't be able to get jobs. So, I DO have a problem with it, because it basically forces women into their lovely role of solely being breeders.
HOORAY!
Remember when mom freaked out about your trip to Sweden, fearing that you'd get yourself a vasectomy? [I could never figure out why she thought you'd get a Swedish vasectomy when their insurance would've covered an American one.] And now you say that nothing is more important than creating new generations.
I'm not trying to say that teen moms are bad. It's just strange to be in an enviroment in which having a few spawn is a normal, expected, teenage activity. It definately wasn't for me. . .
And you're right that we need Sweden's social welfare state. . . I mean, I'm hardly poverty-stricken but I would be hardpressed to provide much of a standard of living for the fictional 10 year old I had at 14 with the wages I bring home now. . . maybe the parents trip to Peru wouldn't be happening as all of the $ would've been eaten up in childcare expenses long ago. . .
look at me. I can ramble too.
My making new generations comment was facetious.
We have enough people on this planet as it is.
But what are we doing with this life, if not building legacy? -- I think THAT'S why some people are welcoming of teenagers having kids. At the extreme, maybe birthing kids is more important than being able to care for them.
And yeah, mom was crazy conjuring my Swedish vasectomy. I was about the ONLY person in Sweden without any insurance.
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