a theory of cute boy distribution in portland

A and I went to the Oyster yesterday. A has started calling anything that is close to the Pearl District - most of Northwest Portland - the Oyster. I like it & have decided to adopt it.

She bought a chair at a thrift store. After working so hard to find a parking spot, I suggested we wander for a bit. So we did. And we got gelato. Throughout our wandering, we were struck by the high percentage of cute boys in that part of town. We discussed this muchly, trying to figure out why. . . We decided that much of it had to do with the fact that boys in the Oyster are clean. Boys on our side of town, Southeast, aren't the cleanest - many are downright dirty. You have to be quite attractive to still be attractive under a level of grime. . .

And why are all the cute boys in the Oyster? We constructed a theory. The cute boys must have some sort of perimeter that they are allowed to travel within. If they cross the line, they are shocked - it's just like the invisible fences people use to contain their dogs. As we drove out of the Oyster, I tried to find cute boys escaping the Oyster, getting shocked as they tried to cross the street.

No sightings.