theology 101

So I've started a 'build your own theology' class at my church. I feel like I need to figure out the words to articulate what I sense. It would be good for me to step outside myself a bit & ponder 'the big things.'

So far, I don't know if it's a good fit. During the first class, my classmates, all much closer to my parents age than my own, wanted to discuss their traumatic Christian childhoods, whether they believe in a conscious or unconscious gods, and if creationism and evolution can be reconciled. None of which is what I am after.

I want to learn why theology matters to others and to figure out if it should matter to me. My faith has always been about praxis. I'm still not convinced that what I believe matters; it's what I do with my energies that count. I can be kind and thoughtful, 'a good christian,' 'godlike,' in my interactions with others without knowing if there is a god or not. I am tiny. If there is a god, it doesn't depend upon my belief to keep on with its work. I believe that if I am to be judged by something or someone ages hence, it will be based on my actions, not on my acceptance of theological minutiae. Spending time pondering such things seems like so much mental masturbation: enjoyable but fleeting, it shrinks the world to a scale in which I actually matter. Wouldn't be a better use of my religious energy to work towards good ends guided by general principles than to develop a fully articulated theology?

maybe the next four classes will given me a some clarity, purpose, comfort and peace, that is what the instructor said theology is good for.