dark night of the soul

Yesterday, my minister preached on dark nights of the soul. . . times of grief and loss and sadness. One needs to experience them, not because it makes you stronger in the long run or anything as tritely inspiring as that, but because they're real. They don't hold lessons, but if a dark night is where your emotions are taking you, it shouldn't be denied. As she spoke & upon further rumination, I recognize that I'm having one right now. She used examples like the loss of a child in her sermon. I'm not self-absorbed enough to think that I am experiencing anything on par with that. For my relatively attachment-free life, I have experienced some significant blows recently, ones that make me re-examine intended future path and my self-concept.

I'm sad and mourning a bit and have reason to be. I know that happiness will come back within a few weeks. I'm trying to sit with my sadness and see what comes of it, not to force it away, and not to let it color my interactions with others too much. To sleep a lot and take good care of myself. A challenge, to be sure.

I've never seen much value in sadness before & have always tried to keep myself even-keeled emotionally. It's a scary to not put on a happy face, to tell people in my life that 2005 isn't yet going as I would hope it to, that I am not 'fine,' to let others know that I am not as together as I would hope to be. I'm finding sympathy and empathy, which is reassuring and strengthening. As E said recently, "what's the point of having friend if you don't tell them when you're sad?"

Point taken, and I shall see what comes of it.